I Don't Believe in the Sun

{They say there's a sun in the sky
But me I can't imagine why}

I love you Duo. Why did I never tell you that? How could I have not told you that once in two years?

{There might have been one before you were gone
But now all I see is the night}

You died not knowing how much I loved you. You thought that I would leave you for no reason better than she wanted me to.

Later I found out that she was behind it, but no… I didn't know originally. All I knew is that they told me to protect her. Or one day I'd find your braid in the mail.

And that no one would ever be able to find your body.

{So I don't believe in the sun}

You always used to joke that noting could frighten me. But... koi that terrified me. I thought you would be ok. If I just did as they asked, you could live- and I could be happy as long as you lived.

{How could it shine down on everyone?}

Oh Duo… I... I wasn't worth it. You took your life… and it was all my fault.

{And never shine on me?
How could there be
Such cruelty}

I couldn't bring myself to go to your service. You weren't in that black gundanium box- curtsey of Quatre. You were alone in the cold blackness of space, and I put you there.

{The only sun I ever knew
was the beautiful one that was you}

It was you who showed me what kindness and care were. I had never known anything about such things until you took it upon yourself to teach me. Little by little I became more human… and realized just how much I had missed. How much we both had missed. We deserved a chance at a real life.

{Since you went away its nighttime all day
And it's usually raining too}

Should I have gone then? I was in such shock… I married her anyway. That isn't a good enough excuse I guess. How could I have- how could I ever try to explain what I've done? I wanted to punish her. I wanted to show her what she had done to us. I took my anger and I hurt her in the only way I could- by trapping her in a loveless marriage- just to spite her.

{So I don't believe in the sun
How could it shine down on everyone?}

Why would anyone ever consider me a hero? I can't seem to do anything but hurt the people I care for. I think that it would have been for the best if I had died when I self-destructed. Or perhaps if I had never made it to earth…

{And never shine on me?
How could there be
Such cruelty?}

You told me that you loved me… right after I'd received the threat. You were strong enough to tell me… and I used your strength as an excuse. I saw how much power you had over me- with those words you had stopped my world.

{The only stars there really are
Were shining in your eyes}

I've become so numb now. I can't seem to feel anything but pain anymore. I used to be able to feel anger… but now that is even beyond me. How can I feel angry when it is my fault? As much as I would like to say that "they made me do it" I could have done something else.

{There is no sun except the one
That never shone on other guys
The moon to whom the poets croon
Has given up and died}

If only I had told you… If only we had run… If only I had fought… If only…

{Astronomy will have to be revised}

Useless useless useless! All these possibilities run through my head continuously! I can't take it anymore! The loner this goes on the closer I am to going completely insane.

{So I don't believe in the sun
How could it shine down on everyone?}

What would happen if I were to lose what is left of my mind? I can only imagine some sort of large scale destruction. Do you think they would have to call in the other pilots… have them put me down like some sort of rabid beast? Or would they be able to capture me and put me away... in a place with padded walls where I couldn't hurt anybody.

{And never shine on me?}

I don't think I'll find out. I've been playing this out for too long now. There is really only one thing left, and that is to join you. I hope the God you believed in was merciful to you, and you entered heaven where you belong… I can only imagine I'll end up in hell… or someplace similar. I can't be all that much worse, and even if it is… even from hell I'll be that much closer to you.

{How could there be}

I never realized how pretty my blood is. not anyone else's... but my blood. yes… i… think… i… will… just… write… a… note…

{Such cruelty}

gomen... d... u... o…